Growing up I was an incredibly shy guy. I’d be the guy that sat on the sidelines instead of having fun. I used to have a group of ‘friends’ in college that were just as shy as me. Some were even worse. We were all stuck in a little bubble of social awkwardness. Half of the people in that group I didn’t even like. But I was too damn shy to make friends with anybody else, so I just stayed there. The most painful thing about looking back at my college experience was that I missed out on great opportunities to meet new people because I was too scared. That’s what shyness is to me. Being too afraid to show the world who you truly are. It was when I was 19 that I knew something had to change. I knew I had to stop being shy.
What Did I Do To Stop Being Shy?
Looking back now all the things I’ve done don’t seem like a big deal. But back then… They were HUGE. The first great act of change that I did was:
When I was 19 years old I did a winter season in Belle Plagne, a ski resort in the French Alps. I spent 5 months learning how to ski and met a group of people I felt I belonged with. Doing my first winter season I felt like I’d found a place where I fit. I was with people who I belonged with. And when I found them my confidence naturally grew. By this point, I had a girlfriend and friends back home. But I fit better with these new people.
Principle: Find where you fit. When you find the people you are supposed to be around you’ll stop being shy naturally. When you’re around the right people who won’t make you feel small or stupid if you make a mistake. They’ll laugh at you maybe, but it doesn’t matter. Because you know when it comes down to it, they’ll have your back!
Became A Bartender
So after doing another season I came back home and became a bartender. While I found my people and I was no longer as shy as I used to be. I still just didn’t know how to talk to strangers. And I thought becoming a Bartender would force me to interact with hundreds of people. And of course, it has.
The main benefit of being a Bartender is that becoming a talker becomes second nature to you. If anything I talk too much now. It took me two years to get really confident and eventually I even started to host parties waaaay later down the line showing ladies how to make cocktails… That definitely grew my confidence.
Principle: Put yourself in situations where you have to talk to people. When you enter a trial by fire you’ll always come out the other side a better person. So just throw yourself into what you’re scared of, the results will amaze you.
Joined A Gym
This may sound superficial but joining the gym has played a big part in overcoming my shyness. When you feel like your body doesn’t fit who you are it has a detrimental effect on your personality and confidence. Now that’s not to say everybody has to do this. If you love your body fair enough. But if you’re not happy with your body and want to change it, there’s also nothing wrong with doing that in a healthy way!
Principle: Start going to the gym. Create a body you want and you’ll feel more confident, not just because of the way that you look. But also because of the confidence, you gain when you commit to something!
Moving Abroad Again (But Being Single)
The third time I went away I was 22 years old, freshly single and without a safety net. The girl I’d been seeing for 2 years was amazing but our relationship lasted a lot longer than it should have. I grew to rely on her too much and used her as a safety net. Even though we both no longer wanted to be with each other. We sorta just stuck around because it was easier.
It’s important to note that by this point she was the only girlfriend I’d ever had. So while I was now comfortable talking to people and I had a group of friends I could rely on. When it came to women, I had NO idea what I was doing. I literally did not know how to show interest in a girl. For the first few months of that season, no girl really paid attention to me. But I kept my head high and ended up having a few girlfriends throughout the season. Although to be fair to this day I still don’t really know what I’m doing.
Principle: Don’t rely on people. That’s not to say you don’t need people. However be aware that you’re enough for yourself, that you can be happy on your own. I feel like this is so important. But so overlooked. Learn to be by yourself and you will become naturally become more confident and less shy.
Learning About Self Development
There’s a saying “Learning from your mistakes is good, but learning from someone else’s mistakes is better.” That’s what self-development is to me. Life is too short to keep making mistakes when someone else has already made them for you. I started learning from people with a lot more experience than me. If you can learn from someone who has made years of mistakes you don’t have to go through the same trouble! So start working on your self-development and learn from other people!
Principle: Find the lessons in everything. You don’t have to read Self Development books and watch videos like I do to stop being shy. Everyone around you has mistakes and lessons you can learn from. So start learning from everybody. Save your time and learn from others people’s mistakes!
Becoming a PR
2 Months ago I moved to Kavos and became a PR. If you want to stop being shy and grow a thick skin becoming a PR is the job for you. If you don’t know what a PR does you literally stand on the streets and shout out people to come into your bar. You do this for 4-5 hours a night, 7 nights a week. And it works wonders on your confidence. When you’re a good PR your rejection rate is about 1 in 10. When you’re me it was about 1 in 25. I never became a great PR, BUT I did become great at handling rejection.
Principle: Learn that rejection doesn’t mean anything. When you’ve been rejected as many times as I have you learn that it really doesn’t matter. if 99% of the population doesn’t like you, who cares!? There are still millions of people left to like you! Learn life’s a numbers game. Just because people reject you doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
(One For The Lads)
This last one isn’t really for girls so beware.
The last thing that has stopped me being shy dramatically is talking to girls in clubs. Kavos is a party city where you can talk to anyone and it’s fine. Being there I approached so many girls and it didn’t matter. If they rejected me it didn’t matter. Just like previously when you get rejected 20 or 30 times in a night you begin to realize that it’s nothing against you personally. Watch the girl who rejects you reject another 10 lads. There are a million reasons a girl doesn’t want to talk to you so learn not to sweat it. Don’t let it knock your confidence! You’ll find ladies that want to talk to you and when you do you don’t want to be shy!
Principle: No matter how many times you get rejected it doesn’t matter. People aren’t rejecting you. They’re rejecting the situation. Who knows in another situation you two might really get along!
Do you understand how to stop being shy now? The real trick if you want to stop being shy is to just chuck yourself at everything life has to throw at you. Like the saying goes “Throw enough shit at the wall and something going to stick” Take that approach to life. Just keep throwing shit at the wall figuratively. And you’ll stop being shy and become confident!
If your comfort zone is also a massive problem then check out these 10 tips to get out of http://youareyourreality.com/escape-your-comfort-zone/
Do you want to gain Self Confidence then read this article!
Interested the books that changed my life and helped me do this? Go here
And if you’re on Pinterest you should definitely follow me http://www.pinterest.com/youareyourreality