You’re about to go to a party with loads of people you don’t know. Or perhaps it’s an important business meeting. The thought of talking to all those people is making your stomach wrench. It’s going to be the same thing again. You don’t make conversation with anyone. You look around the room for something that isn’t there. And eventually after all of the awkward interactions you go home. Feeling a little bit disappointed and with some serious FOMO. Change that today and learn how to overcome shyness!
Steps For Overcoming Shyness
Even the thought of overcoming shyness can be daunting. I mean you’re going to have to go out and start talking to people. Are you getting sweaty just thinking about all the blunders that you’re going to make? If so then here are some helpful actions you can start taking BEFORE you start socializing!
It’s Okay For People Not To Like You
You can’t go through life pleasing everyone. That is a fact. And yet do you still try? Accepting that not everybody is going to like you is one of the fundamentals of overcoming shyness and in fact letting your personality shine altogether. So stop playing yourself down and show the world who you really ARE.
Stop Labelling Yourself as Shy
Your subconscious mind is basically an organic computer. Whatever commands it gets, it fulfills. What do you think your subconscious is going to do if you keep telling yourself your shy? It’s going to do EXACTLY what you’re saying! And carry on being shy. If you want to stop being shy then stop TELLING yourself your shy. You’re becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, and the deeper into this cycle you go, the harder it will be to get out.
If you don’t want to lie to yourself and doubt that you could convince your mind you’re not shy just by belief then you need to…
Remember Times You Haven’t Been Shy
At some point in your life, you have been super confident. Think of the times you’ve been on fire when the crowd LOVES everything your saying. Even if the crowd is just your closest friend, at least you KNOW you’re not always shy. Start thinking about these moments when you get a minute and make them as clear and vivid as possible. The subconscious can’t distinguish between reality and memory/fantasy. So every time you remember it, essentially you’re reprogramming your subconscious to BELIEVE that you are confident.
Likewise are there times when you’re particularly shy? If you know there are certain situations where you are going to be overcome with shyness, pre-emptively think about things you can do to combat that situation. If you know you get shy when going to a job interview, practice the answers you think you would give. When you know you’re shy about talking to new people, have some jokes you can set yourself up for to get the ball rolling. I tell the same joke to 90% of people. As long as they don’t hear it getting repeated who’s going to know?
Practice Speaking To Yourself
I’m not the greatest speaker. My voice is low and I mumble when I’m tired, so sometimes people can find it VERY hard to understand me. When you’re shy this is the last thing you want. If you pluck up the courage to talk to someone and then they don’t understand what you’re saying that is REALLY going to aggravate your shyness. Practicing to yourself doesn’t mean you have to sit in a room talking to yourself. But when you are having conversations. Make your talking VERY deliberate. If you’re not sure what to do some quick tips are to talk louder than you think you should, and slower than you think you should. Obviously, this is a general rule, and if you’re already a slow talker you probably don’t want to go any slower.
Plan for Your Weaknesses
Is there that you can think about when you’re particularly shy? And is it a situation that you’re going to find yourself in multiple times? Think about how to overcome shyness INSTEAD of how shy you’re going to be. If you get nervous just thinking about talking to your work colleagues, plan some open-ended questions you can use to get the ball rolling. And if you can try to get people talking about positive things. For example, you could ask “What good things have you got going on this week.” By doing this they’re forced to give you an answer that isn’t yes/no AND also they’re receiving a positive experience because they’re going to be getting excited about whatever they have planned.
Visualise the Best Case Scenario
What’s the ABSOLUTE best thing that will happen if you do what you’re scared of? If you truly want to know how to overcome shyness visualization is a great way. As I said earlier the subconscious mind can’t distinguish between what is real and fantasy. So if you can visualize the best case scenario vividly, in as much detail as possible. In your subconscious that has REALLY happened.
How To Overcome Shyness When You’re Out
Did you come to this article looking for tips on how to overcome shyness you can use instantly? Whilst the long-term benefit above are great, they aren’t going to get you instant results. If you don’t know what you can do at the moment to overcome shyness, then this section is going to be perfect for you.
When you’re walking down the street how do you look? Have you got a scowl on your face or are you looking down at the ground? Do you look like a person YOU would want to talk to? If not what can you do to look more approachable? Think about holding your head higher and having a pleasant expression across your face. Keep your body open so you give off a more welcoming vibe. All of these things will make people want to talk to you. And not only this, when you open your body up, your emotions immediately become more positive and welcoming.
Spend a Little Bit of Time With a Lot of People
This can be nerve-racking at first. But when I go out, if I want to get out my shell and become a bit more social, I will literally just talk to everybody I stand next to. Nothing special just ‘hows it going’ and then moving on. It’s sort of like you’re progressively getting over your fear in small increments. Think of some way that you can do this in your own life and start practicing it. You’ll be amazed at the difference.
You’ve heard this advice a thousand times before. And that’s because it works! If you want to know how to overcome shyness then the best thing that you can do is stop talking as much and start becoming a great listener. Everyone wants to be heard and the best conversation someone can have with you is the one where they’re doing all the talking! Learn to listen more and your shyness will dissipate rapidly when everyone’s talking about what a great conversationalist you are!
So you’ve worked on your demeanor and you seem approachable and kind. You’ve spoken to a lot of people around you so your confidence has been boosted. The people you’ve spoken to LOVE you because you’re such a great listener. And now there’s only one thing left to do. This can be the scariest part of it all because you’re showing the world who you really are.
Let yourself be vulnerable for a second. That doesn’t mean you have to show sadness or tell a deep dark story. When I was shy I didn’t show any emotions. But if someone cracks a joke you love, then don’t be afraid to laugh. If you’re excited, show people you’re excited. Try to avoid negative emotions in front of people you don’t know very well. But DEFINITELY, show positive emotions and risk being laughed at. Because even if someone does laugh. It’s not going to be anywhere near as bad as you think.
Things To Remember
It’s Okay to Mess Up
One of the worst things about being shy is the belief that everyone else has just got it. They never make any social faux pas. Well, that’s simply not true. And in the fact the less shy you get the more mistakes you make. When I’m talking to people now a number of jokes I make that nobody laughs at. Or the times I’ve said the wrong thing at the wrong time is embarrassing. But that’s okay. It doesn’t bother me anymore. So don’t be afraid to blunder. As long as you handle yourself in a respectable way afterward and go through life with the right intentions you’re going to be fine!
No One’s Going To Notice
Don’t worry about messing up. The person you’re talking to won’t notice anyway. Because they’re going to be too busy thinking about whether they’ve messed up. People are JUST like you. So if you’re concentrating on what you’re saying. Then you can safely assume the other person is doing the same. So stop worrying about what you’re saying because nobody else is. In fact, make a point of really focusing on what people around you are doing and you’ll notice how many mistakes EVERYBODY makes. We’re all only human.
You Are Interesting
Don’t ever feel like you’re not interesting. You have literally lived a whole life of experiences that everybody else only knows a fraction of. The memories and emotions are solely unique to you and nobody else. How can you not feel interesting when you’re completely different from everybody else around you. If you think you aren’t interesting, then you’re just not being imaginative enough. If you still don’t feel like anything you have to say about YOUR life is interesting. Start telling stories you know about other people or events that have happened. People LOVE stories no matter if they’re yours or somebody else’s!
Do You Have A Better Understanding Of How To Overcome Shyness?
Now that you’ve read this article are you feeling a little more confident in yourself? If you wanted to know how to overcome shyness I hope you now have a good grasp of the things that you need to do! Remember that you DO have it within you to conquer your fear!